Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Being a stepmom is hard

Not because I don't get along with him. Not because I don't get along with his mom. It's because I have no power to make things better. I'm the one he talks to when he is hurt/angry/upset. I try to do and say the right things to help him, but I'm afraid I'm either gonna screw him up or make things worse all the way around for him. It's hard and it's heartbreaking and it's frustrating. I love him like he is one of my own yet I can't do much except listen to him and give him my opinions/advice (which may or may not agree with his mom or his dad). That could definitely make things worse. *sigh*


Klinde said...

I feel your pain. Although I have no biological children, I have a beautiful 7 year old step son. I share your worries/concerns/hopes/dreams. It is hard because although my husband does not have boundaries where he is concerned, I am sure his mother probably does.

I have known this child since the day he was born. I have a great relationship. He considers my parents and grandmother his grandparents and great-grandmother. Yet I get both nervous and anxious because I want to be there for him.

It is difficult and yet so rewarding. In your step son, you have a fabulous older sibling for your daughter and son.

chez béz said...

Thanks Klinde for your kind words. For once, we are struggling with something that has nothing to do with money. It's so much more complicated than that. Lots of love and no clear idea of the right way to make things better.

One thing he knows, he's lucky to have a step-mom who loves him as much as Paige does.

Sidenote: I don't miss being 17.

Gnightgirl said...

I have strong feelings about this, my own son 17 just 4 years ago. If your stepson is talking to you when he's upset, then you *are* making it better. I always appreciated any adult that would listen to my son, when he didn't want to turn to me.

Even if he was getting conflicting advice from adults whose opinions didn't mirror mine, alternate points of view were being offered to him from sound-minded people that had his best interest in mind. It gave him something something to think about

I look back now, at dragging my kid through his teen years, and thank God he had the stepmom he did, and that his friends parents were there for him to listen to. We were each sometimes right, sometimes wrong, but always, always vigilant parents.

Good luck. From what I read about how you care for him, I predict things are going to be fine.

Anonymous said...

is there anything gramma foxy can
do for him? i'd be more than happy
to talk/whatever to my oldest

Klinde said...

Mike and Paige,

I have read about your 17 year old's health problems and I am sorry. That has to be a difficult thing to have no control or power. He has been in our prayers.

Paige said...

Thanks Klinde,

The health stuff was scary and luckily he is much better.

Now we are dealing with more emotional stuff. The answers to this are much more difficult to come by. Being 17 is not a walk in the park and being the parent of a 17 year old isn't either.

Dre said...

i'm helping raise a gorgeous 9 year old who i've known since he was about 2, but it does not always seem to be easy... i'm glad to know that i'm
not alone with my feelings regarding this. AND, our boy is only 9! i can barely imagine him at 17!